Polish Movie Posters

Polish Movie Posters

Fake Stuff- Robocop: The Game

Fake Stuff- Goodfellas: Karen’s Revenge

Fake Stuff: Road House: The Game

Fake Stuff: Chef Jame Gumb

Hooray for Hollywood! Poverty Row and Columbia Pictures

In the early days of Hollywood, there were the haves and the have nots. The haves were the obvious studios- Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Warner Brothers, Twentieth Century Fox, etc. The have nots were the studios located on Sunset Boulevard near Gower in a section of Hollywood called “Poverty Row”. 

I Accuse PRC Studios

Poverty Row was what Hollywood called the area where the lesser known studios who mostly produced exploitation Pictures were located. These studios would fade out and are mostly forgotten these days unless one is a Mystery Science Theater 3000 aficionado. Poverty Row studios typically got stars who were on the way up or on the way down. Using facilities that were either outdated or borrowed from bigger studios looking to get a little cash during times when their sound stages weren’t being used, these studios were often scrappy, low quality film making machines. Nobody expected much of them, but one studio would rise, pulling itself out of Hollywood’s “gutter”.

That studio was Columbia Pictures. Columbia would eventually become one of the biggies and it would perform a bit of “urban renewal” on its own, by buying up all of the land on Poverty Row and turning it into a makeshift studio lot. Columbia would stay there for several decades, eventually buying what was left of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer’s storied lot and relocating there. It still exists on that lot today.

Movie Quote Weekends

Movie Quote Weekends

“Battlefield Earth”: Xenu’s Revenge

During Battlefield Earth’s production, pretty much everyone realized that things weren’t going well and that the production was being made on the cheap; everyone but John Travolta, that is.

Travolta still felt that the movie would succeed and that it would spur a rush of “new meat” into the Scientology orgs. Scientology had hoped for the same result as well. Bookstores would be flooded with new copies of Battlefield Earth and a new “Golden age” of Scientology would be the result. The church, however, tried to downplay its attachment to the project. The book, while written by L. Ron Hubbard, had nothing to do with Scientology, they claimed. The money would go to Author Services, not Scientology. These statements were true, though misleading. Battlefield Earth wasn’t specifically about Scientology, though it was supposed to be how the future would be like without Scientology. The proceeds from the book would go to Author Services, though Author Services was wholly owned by Scientology. While Scientology was originally viewed as a harmless group of crazies, it took on a more sinister reputation by 2000. Thus the studio was eager to sweep the Scientology connection under the rug.

For better or worse, the film premiered in 2000 in a gala opening on Hollywood Boulevard. A who’s who of celebrity Scientologists and other Hollywood Stars turned out for the premiere. It was probably the last time that John Travolta felt positively about the project. Critics would uniformly pan the film, declaring it to be one of the worst ever made. Originally, Scientology bought out showings of the film to juice the box office receipts. After a colossal failure of an opening weekend, even Scientology bailed from supporting the movie. It seemed that only Travolta would hold out hope for the film’s prospects, insisting that a sequel would be produced long after everyone else had written the movie off as a box office bomb.

Even the toy tie-ins were second class- the action figures were allegedly from another movie with new heads screwed on. Battlefield Earth would eventually become legendary- but for all the wrong reasons.

 

“Battlefield Earth” A Max Bialystock Production?

Just when it seemed like Battlefield Earth the film would never see the light of day, in walked Franchise Pictures. Franchise Pictures specialized in taking passion projects, streamlining the budgets, then releasing the films that nobody thought could be made. Since John Travolta was desperate to adapt Battlefield Earth into a movie, this was a perfect project for Franchise. Franchise brought the cost of the film down from an estimated $100 Million to $75 Million. With John Travolta signed onto the project and investing his own funds the picture got a speedy green light.

Are YOU the guy who talked me into this?

It wouldn’t take the cast and crew long to see that it seemed like every expense was being spared. The film was shot in Canada at a bargain rate. The special effects and costuming seemed cheap. The film was bizarrely shot using Dutch angles, supposedly for artistic purposes. In actuality, the Dutch angles were used to save money on sets and costuming.

Doesn’t this make me look taller and this film more expensive?

Even worse, the script was clunky and outdated. John Travolta chewed the scenery and acted like he was playing a dastardly villain from an old fashioned chapter play. It was obvious that he was desperately trying to make this all work. He wouldn’t realize until later that this was all just a massive scam. Franchise Pictures would purposely select passion projects because it could get big stars for discounted rates. This also led to less scrutiny from the big star who was just thrilled to be making their dream project. Outside investors, excited to be getting A-List talent for relatively nothing, would pony up the needed funds. After all, a $100 Million project being made for $75 Million was guaranteed to succeed. Franchise Pictures would then skimp on everything. For example, Battlefield Earth was sold to its investors as having a $75 Million budget. Franchise, however, most likely spent much less than $50 Million on the film, skimming the rest of the money for itself. The company would later spiral into bankruptcy, but would Battlefield Earth become the big hit that John Travolta and Scientology wanted? Stay tuned!

“Battlefield Earth”: Welcome Back, Barbarino

John Travolta’s career- and Scientology’s prospects- diverged in the late 1980’s. Travolta became box office Poison, pretty much not getting any work after 1985. While Scientology would lose its founder, its successful yet misleading Dianetics volcano ad campaign would route a ton of interested people into its orgs. The granting of a religious tax exemption in the United States would send the atomic age religion into the stratosphere. It seemed like the time was right for a mainstream Scientology film, though the only person in Hollywood who seemed interested in bringing Battlefield Earth to the screen was in no position to do it. That would change in 1989.

Signing up for Scientology? Might as well throw your money in a volcano!

With the help of fellow Scientologist Kirstie Alley and the voice talents of Bruce Willis, John Travolta would regain his blockbuster star status with the sleeper hit Look Who’s Talking, a film in which he would take second billing to a talking baby. While Look Who’s Talking would give him the hit he needed, 1994’s Pulp Fiction would cement his resurgence, giving him a bit of indie cred and alerting the world that he was back on top. At this point, Travolta could make any project get a green light just by signing onto it. How would he choose to use this recovered power? To finally try to get his passion project made. By this time, Travolta realized that he was too old to play Jonnie “Good Boy” Tyler and was aiming to play the villainous Terl. Travolta desperately told anyone who would listen that Battlefield Earth would be “better than Star Wars” and referred to it as “Pulp Fiction in the year 3000.”

In Mexico, they call Scientology ‘Locos Pendejos’

While most every studio was willing to make just about any film John Travolta wanted to be in, they wanted nothing to do with Battlefield Earth. Travolta allegedly enlisted his fellow Scientologists to flood studio executives with letters about how amazing a Battlefield Earth film would be. The creepy campaign had the opposite of its intended effect.  By 1995, however, Travolta’s star power would be too much for Hollywood to ignore. MGM signed him to a deal in which Battlefield Earth would finally get produced. Or so he thought. MGM  got cold feet and sold the project to Twentieth Century Fox who eventually shelved the project for the same reasons that caused MGM to eventually pass on it. The project was seen as being too expensive, too outdated and too insane. In 1998, the project’s fortunes would change. Upstart production company Franchise Pictures would pick up the project and give it a green light. Finally, Travolta’s dream would come true. Or would it?

Who wouldn’t want to be badgered about making a film by these people?

 

“Battlefield Earth”: Terl Strikes Back

To understand why making a film based on Battlefield Earth was so important to L. Ron Hubbard, one must just go back to his early years of writing for Science fiction pulp novels. The books were seen as the lowest form of entertainment at the time, printed on paper that was only meant to last long enough for someone to read it once. Hubbard was literally paid by the word and could barely eke out a living writing them. He doubtless fantasized about being taken seriously and possibly seeing one of his novels being turned into a feature film. Science fiction was typically never given a serious look by the major studios and thus became a fixture of Hollywood’s Poverty Row.

Hubbard’s catchphrase of ‘Holy Xenu!’ never quite caught on.

Unappreciated for his voluminous science fiction output, Hubbard parlayed his more bizarre ideals into Dianetics, which became a space age self-help fad in the 1950’s. After seeing huge growth for a couple years, this money-making scheme quickly died out and went bankrupt. Hubbard eventually won back control of Dianetics and turned it into what is now Scientology, allegedly after being challenged to create a new religion. While Hubbard would gain huge success and acclaim with his newly invented religion, he would always long for the bigger success that always seemed to elude him. The success of Star Trek and Star Wars would cause him further distress; after all, they were obviously partly inspired by the type of pulp science fiction he was writing years before in relative obscurity. When the work of pulp rival Philip K. Dick began getting reassessed and adapted into films, Hubbard slid further into depression. That’s when he decided that he could show these young people how it was done and gain more adherents to his religion by writing the ultimate science fiction book that would lead to the ultimate film.

Terminix tries to go ‘virus’ to attract the youth of today.

After the book was published, Hubbard desperately tried to gain buzz about his book. He sent an autographed copy to his most fervent Hollywood follower- John Travolta- to get him interested in the book. Travolta desperately wanted to get the book made into a movie and his interest finally attracted attention. Hubbard’s Author Services, Inc. signed a contract with a Hollywood production company to turn the book into two feature films with mid-level budgets of $15 Million each. Ken Annakin, famed director of classic films such as Swiss Family Robinson, was signed to help adapt the book. A giant inflatable “Terl” was placed on Hollywood Boulevard to excite the public about the planned Battlefield Earth franchise. It looked like Hubbard’s dream would finally come true.

At least Ken Annakin’s dream came true.

However, despite the inflatable Terl and the contest setup to award a set visit to a lucky winner, the project collapsed. By 1986, John Travolta’s career had crashed and burned. Saner heads prevailed in realizing how ridiculously hard it would be to translate Hubbard’s crazed and dull writing onto the big screen. Scientology itself lost interest after its successful (and fraudulently inaccurate) commercials promoting Dianetics provided it with a huge increase in membership and money. Hubbard would eventually spiral downward, passing away that year. Battlefield Earth would go into hibernation- awaiting an uptick in the career of its biggest (and only) Hollywood fan- John Travolta.

Sorry about that, John- I thought you were acting in this picture. So I guess I’ll have a Tab.

“Battlefield Earth”: In the Beginning...

While the “passion project” film can sometimes result in something special, it can most often be the root cause of a box office disaster. A creative person blinded by the desire to see a pet project come to fruition will overlook its weaknesses no matter how big they are. One of the biggest examples of this was 2000’s Battlefield Earth.

Battlefield Earth- A Saga of the Year 3000 and a perfect doorstop.

Battlefield Earth, the book, was written by the infamous L. Ron Hubbard. Hubbard was a Sci-Fi pulp author and noted fabulist who turned his pulpy novels into an atomic age self-help system known as Dianetics which then evolved in a tax evading full fledged religion known as Scientology. In the early 1980’s Hubbard had become a hermit, hiding out from process servers seeking to serve court documents related to his controversial religion. It was during this time that Mr. Hubbard decided that the key to overcoming the bad publicity surrounding his religion was to return to his Sci-Fi roots and write a massive book that would show the world what would happen if it didn’t embrace Scientology. The dystopian novel could then become a major motion picture that would spread the word of his space age belief system.

Wait, people really thought my crazy Sci-Fi novel Dianetics was a self-help book?

Hubbard, however, hadn’t written a non-Scientology book in decades and had become increasingly paranoid. Additionally, his previous Sci-Fi books had been written back when his pay was determined by the word. As a result, Battlefield Earth was ridiculously long and filled with blatantly obvious symbolism. The book landed with a thud, propped up by Scientology, who purchased most of the copies at bookstores to inflate its sales. Nobody in Hollywood was interested in the book. Nobody in Hollywood except for John Travolta.

Wait, this *isn’t* a crazy scene from my next picture?

L. Ron Hubbard had sent a copy of the book to Travolta, who had become a Scientologist in the 1970’s. Travolta originally saw himself as playing the subtly named lead protagonist Jonnie “Goodboy” Tyler. In interviews, Hubbard wrongly suggested that there was much interest in the film coming from Hollywood and that he might direct or produce the film. Hollywood, however, had been reluctant to even consider a film based on a book written by Hubbard and tied to Scientology. Travolta’s star power was seen as being more powerful than Hollywood’s skepticism about the commercial prospects of an overly long film tied to Scientology. At the end of 1983, however, the film’s prospects seemed to improbably improve.

Angels Brigade

Happy Batman Day!

Anything Goes: Burt Reynolds Week- The Ultimate 1970’s Film

Modern Times: Burt Reynolds Week- “The Dukes Of Hazzard”

Burt Reynolds’ last major role in a major motion picture was 2005’s The Dukes of Hazzard remake. Burt played Boss Hogg in the film, an odd choice, since he was nowhere near as fat as Sorrell Booke, who originated the role on the original television show. In fact, Burt seemed a bit frail and emaciated.

Willie wasn’t punching Burt- a gust of wind came in through the window.

The film was not well-received. While it made a modest profit, it was not deemed to be much of a success; a huge effort had been made to make a film that barely broke even when promotional costs were factored in. A tawdry made for TV prequel with only Willie Nelson returning was made a few years later. Sadly, Burt would not end his big budget professional career on a high note.

Forbidden Planet: Burt Reynolds Week - “Frankenstein & Me”

When we tried to find a sci-fi themed film from Burt Reynolds’ past, we assumed that he probably had one at the beginning of his career. Despite the fact that such films were extremely popular when Burt was starting out his career, it turns out that he never really starred in any such movies. We had to look to his declining years to find such a film- Frankenstein and Me.

Burt Reynolds’ empire, which included his own theater and Win, Lose or Draw had come crashing down in the 1990’s. Divorced from Loni Anderson and heavily in debt, he was accepting any and all roles in 1995. One of those roles was in Frankenstein and Me. Burt Reynolds hardly shows up in this film, where he plays the father of the kid who goes on an adventure with Frankenstein. This Canadian produced film obviously only used Burt Reynolds to satisfy the financier’s requirement that a name actor have a role in the film. Burt comes in, makes his quick payday, then disappears when his character dies. This film never set the world on fire, but it coincidentally features a superstar of the past- Burt Reynolds and a superstar of the future- Ryan Gosling.

 

A Star is Born!: Burt Reynolds Week - “Angel Baby”

While Burt Reynolds had already brought his rugged good looks to various television westerns, he didn’t appear in a film until 1961’s Angel Baby.

The film was made to feature George Hamilton’s “talent”, a more serious followup to Where The Boys Are. It was not very successful, since we are supposed to believe that George Hamilton could not only beat up Burt Reynolds but also get the girl. George Hamilton was not that great an actor. Burt, however, seemed like a Star in Waiting.

Hooray For Hollywood! - Burt Reynolds Week: “At Long Last Love”

To honor Burt Reynolds this week, we’ll look at some of his biggest hits and misfires. Today’s film is At Long Last Love. The film is not as well known as some of Burt’s biggest films, but it wasn’t supposed to be that way. At Long Last Love, was made at the height of Burt’s Hollywood power. This loving tribute to Hollywood’s Golden era of musicals was directed by Peter Bogdanovich and co-starred another 1970’s superstar Cybill Shepherd. At this time, Burt could have made any film he wanted to make and his choice was this one. It was highly anticipated and heavily budgeted. Would the world embrace this departure from Burt’s usual lowbrow comedies featuring fast cars, pulchritude, apes and Dom Deluise?

The world would not. At Long Last Love would become synonymous with celebrity excess; an example of a pretentious project produced solely because of its star’s enormous ego. The film fell into relative obscurity, only mentioned in later years as one of the worst movies of all time. As it turned out, the failure of the film wasn’t completely the fault of its director or star. Fox had panicked after a few bad focus group results and had ordered them to re-cut the film. It was the re-cut that bombed at the box office.

However, as the years went on, At Long Last gained a cult following from its many cable TV showings. In fact, some of its newer fans felt that the film they were seeing couldn’t possibly be the same bomb derided by critics and shunned by audiences. Were they delusional? As it turned out, they were not.

A few years ago, a fan of the film contacted Mr. Bogdanovich and asked him to take a look at a version of the film that had been uploaded to YouTube. The fan asked him the question its newer fans had wondered for years- was this the theatrical cut of the film? Bogdanovich was stunned. It was not the theatrical cut he remembered- it seemed to be his original cut of the film. He was even more surprised to discover that this version had been recorded off of cable TV. This was, for all intents and purposes, the ‘official’ cut of the film, officially provided by Fox to cable networks who wanted to show the film. How could this be?

Bogdanovich did some research at Fox to determine why the company was using the cut that it had originally asked him to change. It turns out that an employee at the studio’s archives department was asked to make a copy of the film that could be used in the future for anyone licensing the film. Angered at the new edits Fox had ordered on the film, the employee re-cut the film to the original version and put it in the studio vault for future use. Since Bogdanovich had been angered by the studio’s treatment of the film, he hadn’t watched it since he turned over the theatrical cut. The film was never made available on home video, so nobody ever noticed that the cut being shown on television was different from the original version. It was the original cut that the film’s new fans had embraced, vindicating Bogdanovich’s vision. Bogdanovich convinced Fox to finally release the film on DVD and Blu-ray, making small additions that the archives employee had missed. This version became a smash. Bogdanovich has stated that he is forever grateful to that archive employee whose errant editing made it possible for Bogdanovich’s original vision to be preserved and shown.

Movie Quote Weekends

Movie Quote Weekends

“The Wizard of Oz”: There’s No Place Like Home

On August 25, 1939 mere weeks after it was completed, The Wizard of Oz had its premiere. MGM pulled out all the stops to promote its answer to Walt Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. 

The mighty lion roared, but that wasn’t enough to bring out the crowds. The Wizard of Oz barely made back its production cost. When promotional costs were factored in, the film actually lost money. As far as Louis B. Mayer was concerned, the film was a major disappointment. Any plans for subsequent Oz pictures were canceled and Louis B. Mayer tried to salvage his investment by selling the Oz rights to the person who inspired him to pursue them to begin with- his friend Walt Disney.

Subsequent re-releases would eventually put the film in the black by 1948, but even then it wasn’t a huge profit. The film would be mostly forgotten until 1956 when CBS chose to air the film as part of its Ford sponsored movie block. This would be the Showcase the film needed. The Wizard of Oz exploded in popularity, finally becoming the classic film that MGM had expected.

The Wizard of Oz would finally get its happy ever after ending. That the production would suffer through so many problems and still come out a quality, classic film is a testament to MGM’s movie making system. Any one of the problems that befell the film could have dragged down a lesser studio. For all of the bad things that have been said about Hollywood’s studio system, a quality film like The Wizard of Oz would have been impossible to make without it.

To this day, The Wizard of Oz still enchants and delights new generations of children who long to discover for themselves what lies over the rainbow. Ray Bolger summed it up best when he told an interviewer who asked him if he received royalties that he had actually gained something more valuable to him- immortality.

Burt Reynolds, 1936 - 2018

“The Wizard of Oz”: We're not in Kansas anymore.

With all of the issues that happened before The Wizard of Oz began filming, MGM was probably hoping for a smooth production. With both the original wicked witch and director replaced before principal photography began, Louis B. Mayer was hopeful that the worst was over. That would not prove to be the case. A series of catastrophic events would befall the production.

The first casualty of the production was Buddy Ebsen. MGM’s famed makeup and design team was trying to ensure that Oz popped on screen. The silver paint they were using for the Tin Man caused a severe reaction in Buddy Ebsen. Ebsen collapsed on the set and was rushed to the hospital, where he lay in a coma for several days. According to legend he awoke to see Louis B. Mayer, nervously fidgeting in the hospital room. Mayer then broke the news that he was replaced by Jack Haley. Haley, meanwhile, had not been told what happened to Ebsen and assumed that Buddy had been fired. It is probably unlikely that Mayer had the time to sit at Ebsen’s bedside to break the news to him personally. However, it is definitely believable that MGM didn’t tell Jack Haley about the health problems the Tin Man makeup caused. They needed him to suit up and shut up.

The production hadn’t gotten too far behind, but Mervyn LeRoy took advantage of the minor delay to replace director Richard Thorpe with George Cukor. Cukor made huge changes to the film. Originally, Judy Garland was outfitted in a blonde wig and babydoll dress. Cukor wanted her to play Dorothy more naturally, so the wig was removed and the familiar blue gingham dress used. In order to save money, Jack Haley only re-recorded a few of Ebsen’s singing lines. Therefore Ebsen’s singing performance remained in the final film.

Cukor’s time on the set would be short. MGM saw the production as troubled and had only hired him to get things back on track. Victor Fleming would arrive in November of 1938 to handle the bulk of the directing duties. Fleming would suffer through the six month slog of filming the technicolor scenes before being pulled off to finish Gone With the Wind. The technicolor scenes were a nightmare for cast and crew. The lighting required for each scene made the sound stages extremely hot and the makeup and heavy costumes unbearable. Margaret Hamilton was the second casualty of the shoot, suffering third degree burns during the scene in which she vanishes in Munchkinland. The injury caused her to refuse doing more special effects scenes. It was a good decision- the stand-in hired to replace her was injured as well.

King Vidor was brought in to finally wrap things up on this very expensive project. Production finally ended in June 1939, just weeks before the planned release. Despite the delays and issues, the picture still came in close to its budget. Now it would be up to the audiences. Would this Wizard bring in as many customers as Snow White?