The film that ushered in the modern superhero blockbuster era was arguably 1989’s Batman. While Superman had enthralled audiences a decade earlier, it had run out of steam by the late 1980’s. Batman as imagined by Tim Burton reignited audience interest in superhero films. His Batman Returns kept the momentum going and Tim began planning out a third film which would reportedly feature Harley Quinn as the Joker’s daughter who would try to exact revenge on Batman for killing her father, egged on by Catwoman. Michael Keaton and Michelle Pfeiffer were both eager to reprise their roles. It seemed like a slam dunk- until McDonald’s stepped in. They had heavily promoted Batman Returns and felt that the film was too violent and inappropriate for its family audiences. Warner Brothers decided to replace Tim Burton with Joel Schumacher, Michael Keaton and Michelle Pfeiffer dropped out and the Batman franchise would eventually go down in a neon blaze of glory all because of McDonald’s.
Warner Brothers should have known better than to allow a fast food company to dictate the creative side of things. After all, McDonald’s had already shown that it had no business dabbling in the entertainment business years earlier when it and Coca-Cola decided to produce the E.T. rip-off Mac & Me. The film was a crass nightmare and its viewers could be excused if they mistook the film for a fever dream they had after eating a McNugget that had fallen behind the seat of their car. There’s the bizarre scene where a disabled young man in a wheelchair accidentally rolls down a cliff and falls into a lake.
I Regret Nothing!
Amazingly, the boy not only survives the drop, he isn’t even injured. The incident is portrayed as just a minor nuisance. The inevitable McDonald’s scene is even stranger. Apparently everyone at the restaurant contracted mad cow disease and is suffering from its horrific effects; there’s an actual breakdancing tournament taking place in the parking lot.
Breakdancing is still popular with the youth of today, right?
The titular alien has been disguised as a horrific teddy bear that looks like it was won at a cursed carnival and even it can’t resist getting down with the human kids!
Teddy Ruxpin, no!
The film ends with the aliens causing an inexplicable explosion at a supermarket that apparently was the front for a meth lab; after all, why would a regular store explode like this?
Woopsie Doodle!
In the end, the aliens become U.S. citizens and threaten to return in a sequel that thankfully never got made. After losing a ton of money on this film, McDonald’s decided to go back to just making hamburgers. It would be the best thing to come out of this bizarre mess of a film.
