Freaky Fridays: Shakin' at the B-Films

Sometimes a B-Movie producer thinks he's an excellent songwriter or that his son is a great singer. Maybe he desperately needs cash and a rich guy says he'll invest in the film if his daughter is allowed to perform in the film. In any case, that usually leads to a B-Movie music performance!

In I Accuse My Parents, the "action" such as it is, stops twice for treacly ballads, including Are You Happy in Your Work. Maybe this singing actress is, but we're not.

In Eegah, Arch Hall, Junior sings a lovely ballad to "Vicki". Too bad his girlfriend in the film is actually named "Roxy".

In addition to having a ridiculous title,  The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies is also full of annoying songs and random dance sequences. The most annoying song in the film is easily Shook Out of Shape.

An even more annoying song is found in Teenage Strangler. Yipes Stripes. In the world of the film it is apparently the only song that exists.

And finally, The Girl in Gold Boots features a guy who can't sing and a girl who can't dance. Critter may not be certain whether he should Laugh or Cry, but you will definitely want to scream.

An Ambitious Plan...

"I'm here to be a dancer!"

Ed Wood's Lost Film

After finishing up his legendarily bad Plan Nine From Outer Space, Ed Wood embarked on a sequel of sorts- Revenge of the Dead. He completed the film in 1959 and sent the print to be processed into film. Sadly, Ed ran out of money and was never able to pay the processing company its fees. The company held the print hostage until it was paid in full. Ed never forgot the film and often spoke about it, but many film historians doubted its existence. Ed had a knack for lying about projects, making them sound bigger or more impressive than they were. Many people believed that he had written the script for the film, but had never actually filmed it.

In the mid-1980's, however, schlock film aficionado Wade Williams decided to hunt down a copy of the film. He carefully researched where Ed might have taken the film and bingo! He found it. Paying the processing fees plus interest, Wade now had a copy of Ed's long lost horror film. It was terrible, much like his other films, but now the world was able to see Ed's long lost film- 25 years after it had been thought lost.

John Williams' Classic Score From.... Daddy-O?!?

John Williams is a legendary movie score composer whose lush orchestrations have greatly contributed to such films as Star Wars, Jurassic Park, Schindler's List and Jaws to name just a few. His contributions to the world of film are immeasurable.

Everyone has to start somewhere, however, and the famed composer got his start in 1958 on the low budget B-Film Daddy-O.

Aiming to be a low budget Rebel Without A Cause, but instead a crime film filled with gratuitous young people and music, Daddy-O was a cheaply produced, poorly received filler film that was used to fill out the lower end of a double bill. The young people would be disappointed, as would the stars of the film; as Dick Contino once noted, he ended up in the unemployment line after this box office bungle right behind the film's director Lou Place. John Williams' destiny, however, would literally be in the stars.

Freaky Fridays: Golan-Globus & Kathy Ireland

Last week, we profiled Superman IV which was improbably produced by low budget schlockmeisters Golan and Globus Productions. Perhaps Messers Golan and Globus had bitten off more than they could chew. Maybe they just weren't up to the challenge of a big budget superhero film. Left to their wheelhouse of low budget genre films, they probably did much better, right? Viewers of Alien from L.A know better.

It would be hard to mess this up; they had Kathy Ireland in her swimsuit issue prime. Sure, she had an annoying voice and could barely act, but surely Golan and Globus would give her a vehicle where she gets to wear a bikini as often as possible. The DVD box clearly shows how they must have gotten this right:

Yeah, mom, I'm going to see a movie about an alien like E.T.

Yet Golan & Globus couldn't even get this right. When we first see Ms. Ireland, she looks like this:

But Mr. Golan, I just woke up! That camera isn't on, is it?

Amazingly, they took the hottest supermodel at the time and made her frumpier than Urkel. They even keep putting more and more clothes on her the longer the film runs.

Acting is easy when you can read from the script!

Golan and Globus dare to expose shins!

Golan and Globus finally give the customers what they want- at the very end of the movie with just five minutes left.

Finally- the reason why this film was made.

Doubtless the young gentlemen who bought their tickets thinking they'd get to see Kathy Ireland battle aliens in L.A. while wearing a bikini were terribly disappointed. Granted, the script required that Ms. Ireland play a frumpy, helium voiced spazz, but if that was the case, why hire her? Golan & Globus obviously wanted to make a cheesy low budget film whose success would rest solely on Kathy's "shoulders", but they couldn't even do that right. You might not be surprised to learn that their movie making empire collapsed not long after the release of this film.

The Hayes Code and Ed Wood

The Hayes Code was the restrictive list of rules that Hollywood filmmakers had to follow in order to get their films into mainstream theaters. 

This film guaranteed ankle-free.

The rules required that certain seamy situations and themes not be explored in a film and that any wrongdoing be punished by the end of the film. Enterprising filmmakers, desperate to find any loopholes in the code, embraced the punishment rule. Couldn't they show some criminality and depravity if it all got punished in the end? The answer was mostly yes, though with certain restrictions. One of the experts at dancing around the restriction was schlockmeister Ed Wood.

"It's alright as long as the degenerates get punished, right?"

Ed Wood knew how to skirt the rules, pushing situations just to the brink of the Hayes Code, defending his plots by pointing out that the criminals, harlots and degenerates all got punished in the end. Besides, these were meant to be cautionary tales.

Ignore your daughter? This is what will happen!

Unfortunately for Mr. Wood, his films weren't able to fool enough people into theaters to make him a wealthy filmmaker. His brand of filmmaking wouldn't get fully "appreciated" until long after his death.

"Some crimes are not so bad..."

The Hayes Code would collapse in 1968, to be replaced by the current rating system. Instead of telling filmmakers what they could include in a film, the new system simply rates the films after the fact. Since the rating determines how many theaters will show the film, it has much the same effect as the original Hayes Code, except with less guidance. Which is an improvement. We guess.

Unbelievably Bad: "Monster-A-Go-Go"

What happens when a filmmaker starts making a movie, runs out of money, then sells the film to another director who "completes" it five years later? Monster-A-Go-Go happens!

"I'll give you a topic- Monster-A-Go-Go has no monster and features no go go dancing, discuss."

Famed Schlockmeister Bill Rebane started filming this movie in the early sixties, expecting to take advantage of the horror film craze, but quickly ran out of funds. Another director of lowbrow horror and nudie pics Herschell Gordon Lewis, desperate to find a film to pair with another movie of his, bought the footage and finished the film, despite only getting half of the cast to reprise their roles.

The result is a terrible mess; it's obvious that the film was slapped together. Characters mysteriously disappear, the narrator abruptly changes and the separate parts don't come close to fitting together. The worst part of the film has to be seen and heard to be believed; too cheap to have a sound effects crew, an actor is forced to make the sound of a ringing phone. And it doesn't come close to sounding realistic.

The "surprise" ending is even worse. SPOILER ALERT- there was no monster. No monster, no go go dancing, no dignity.

Freaky Fridays: "Hell's Bloody Devils"

Hell's Bloody Devils was one of those gritty motorcycle movies that was so popular with the kids of the late 1960's, right?

"Crimes, man! They commit crimes!"

Not exactly. This was actually a secret agent film where a detective goes undercover to defeat a Neo-Fascist group that was operating in California. In fact, the film was originally entitled Operation M and was partially backed by Harland Sanders in exchange for some bizarre screen time in which all action stops while Mr. Sanders shills for his Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurants.

"When in Kentucky, guests of Hell's Bloody Devils eat at KFC."

However, by the time this film hit theaters, the young people weren't interested in films about secret agents and fried chicken. The filmmakers found it difficult to get someone to distribute the film, so they decided to shoot gratuitous motorcycle scenes and tack them onto the picture.

"Let's commit some crimes, man!"

They then changed the name to Hell's Bloody Devils. Mr. Sanders probably wouldn't have committed funds and food to the project if he knew all of this would happen. Promoting a family chicken restaurant in a film with filthy bikers and a 

sketchy title wasn't something he had intended. Things would get a bit worse, however. 

Some scenes were filmed at the notorious Spahn Ranch, which had previously been a successful old west shooting location for countless westerns. By 1969, it had become a filthy, derelict shanty town, populated by filthy, degenerate cult members who were followers of Charlie Manson.

Yeah, certainly nothing shady happening here...

Charlie Manson and his "family" were present during filming, but this was well before their eventual murderous crime spree. Mr. Manson allegedly tried to get involved with the production, but other than mooching fried chicken from the KFC catered craft services table or being a pest to the crew, he had little involvement with the production. Rumors of Charlie Manson rubbing elbows with Colonel Sanders were preposterous; a busy businessman like Sanders would have only been on set during his own scene. He would not have been involved in the rest of the shoot other than to arrange for KFC staff members to take the agreed upon chicken and fixings to the set each day.

Hell's Bloody Devils didn't set the box office on fire. Its effect on Kentucky Fried Chicken's sales figures was probably not very big either. Colonel Sanders wouldn't find much success in film, with his other appearance in the movie The Phynx only garnering slightly more attention. He would pass away in 1980.

Last week, we featured Joan Crawford, so it only seemed appropriate to show this random picture of her chatting with Colonel Harland Sanders:

"Wire hangers? To threaten the chickens with? That's just crazy."

It's unclear what they're discussing here, but in a strange twist of fate their companies would merge years after they had both passed away; PepsiCo would eventually buy Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Mis-Fires: Postal

"Let's give Uwe Boll money to make a film with hot chicks, but the only naked person featured is David Foley."

Mega Mis-Fires: Alien From L.A.

"Let's cast a smoking hot model in our adventure film, making sure to dress her as dowdily as possible until the very end when she finally shows some skin."

Minor Mis-Fires: The Room

"I can't act, write or direct and I look like death warmed over. I know nothing about promoting a movie or what might attract ticket buyers. So let's put my dead-eyed picture on a billboard and see what happens!"

Great Moments in Movie-Making Incompetence: "Alien From L.A."

Imagine you’re making a movie and you cast a sexy supermodel in her prime. Sure, she’s a lousy actress with an annoying voice, but who cares? Just come up with excuses to have her display her “assets” in tight, revealing clothing and the guys in the audience won’t care about anything else. The film Species is a perfect example of this; an alternate title could have been Let’s Have A Look At Natasha Henstridge’s Tits.

The makers of Alien From L.A. had it easy- they had the hot supermodel Kathy Ireland in their film. Just put her in a bikini, tight tops and sexy clothes and you’ll have them lining up around the block. The producers of Alien From L.A., however, chose to make Ms. Ireland a nerdy, heavily clothed, dowdy woman who doesn’t appear in a bikini until the last scene of the film. Since this film was produced by schlockmeisters Golan and Globus, producers of the horrific Superman IV: The Quest For Peace, it isn’t hard to believe they’d skimp on the one thing that George Weiss felt would guarantee a hit film- “Tits”.

When At First You Don't Succeed....

....rename your film & try again!

We've seen this picture of the German DVD box for Ruckus...

But did you know they also apparently called it "Eat My Smoke"?

And also "Ruckus in Madoc County"?

I wonder if this fooled many people... Did someone go to see "Ruckus" to see a shoot 'em up commando film, then "Eat My Smoke" for a raucous yokel car chase comedy, then an action-filled dirt bike movie?

Perhaps "After Earth" could have benefited from a similar ad campaign...

Sad News in the Bad Movie world....

Fans of the movie Giant Spider Invasion, starring Alan Hale, Jr., Barbara Hale and a cast of Wisconsin bumpkins, have a reason to be sad tonight. The legendary "Giant Spider" used in the film's climactic final scenes was stolen, dismantled and sold for scrap.

Obviously just a metal framework mounted on a VW beetle, the spider was one of the most ridiculous things in the film. That's saying a lot, since the entire movie was nothing but a ridiculous mess. By the time the spider enters the picture, audiences are so shell shocked by the ridiculousness of it all that the spider hardly registers upon first viewing, but subsequent viewings always show this unspecial effect for the train wreck it is.

Why was it so easy for this classic movie prop to be stolen? It was just sitting in a random field, slowly rusting away. It could be argued that the thieves were merely putting it out of its misery, providing it with a more dignified ending.

The giant spider is survived by its bad movie prop brethren- the painting of the Master from Manos, Mikey's Bike from Teenage Strangler and Carol Channing's bra from Skidoo.

"Ruckus".... in Germany!

WTF? This is apparently the German box art for our favorite little film Ruckus. While the box art does feature depictions of actual scenes from the movie, they're all greatly exaggerated to the millionth degree like something out of a Michael Bay film. Dirk Benedict looks like he's going after enemy invaders, not a sleazy band of inbred backwoods bullies. And Linda Blair looks on with a frightened look on her face; which gun did our hero pull out to show her? I assume many a German bought this film based on this awesome artwork and proceeded to be terribly disappointed.

Woodland, CA Movie Fest: "Wasted"

Ronnie Scheib from Variety thinks this is 'Highly Impressive'? Assuming that's in context, 

Ronnie must be easily impressed...

In the pantheon of movies filmed in Woodland, CA, Wasted is definitely the latest addition. Directed by first time director Matt Oates and starring American Pie’s Eddie Kaye Thomas,Wasted follows a group of college aged buddies who reunite when one of their own passes away. That’s pretty much it. Other than drinking, drugging and hanging out, these friends don’t really do much of interest. I’m guessing they were so enamored of their concept that they forgot to actually have something happen in the movie. The film takes place over the weekend of their buddy’s funeral, but you’ll seriously feel like weeks have gone by when the film is through.

The only fun I received from this movie was spotting the Woodland shooting locations. The defunct Al’s Drive In is prominently featured as a big nighttime hangout. (It’s even featured on the DVD box.) Other Woodland landmarks include the Woodhaven Lanes bowling alley and the Woodland Swim Center. Unlike the other Woodland film “Ruckus”, however, there’s nothing really interesting to hold your attention when you’re not trying to spot the shooting locations. (Which must explain why the film had no theatrical release.) To someone from Woodland, there’s novelty value. For everyone else, the film must have been a crashing bore.

The coolest thing about this film for me is that I actually worked in the area the filming took place in at the time. The shooting wasn’t too disruptive and I never saw the actors around town. It’s too bad the film went straight to DVD, but that is to be expected from a film in which nothing happens.

"Ruckus" Goes To The Yolo County Fair

There isn’t much that is truly special or different about the Yolo County Fairgrounds. Every year, the grounds host the same rodeos, the same events and the same “Fair”. The people in these parts try to act like the fair is something special or unique, but it’s really just a place where people can eat the same food, see the same things and “bump” into the same people year after year. For many Woodlanders, the fair is the most exciting thing that will happen to them all year. However, as they walk past the never changing exhibits, bump into the same “friends” who they won’t see again until next year and eat the same food items that their Great-Great-Great Grandfather probably ate, none of them probably realize that they are walking in the steps of giants. 

I speak not of the “Native Woodlanders” who insist on having dirt roads named after them just because they lived, but of Hollywood giants; two of which were actually nominated for real Academy Awards(tm) while another actually won! (Though not for the movie whose production dragged them to Woodland way back in 1980.) Tucked in the back of the Yolo County Fairgrounds is the “Rodeo Arena” which no longer seems to host actual rodeos, but is currently used for the “Destruction Derby”, in which grown ups play bumper cars with real vehicles until only one car can still run. (That just screams classy, doesn’t it?) In any case, this “Rodeo Arena” has a small place in Hollywood history; it once hosted the filming of “Ruckus”, starring the previously referenced Oscar(tm) nominated actors Richard Farnsworth and Linda Blair, Oscar(tm) winner Ben Johnson as well as TV’s “Face” himself, Dirk Benedict.

In “Ruckus”, Dirk Benedict plays a Vietnam Veteran who drifts into town and stirs up the local yokels who round up a posse to hunt him down and harrass him. He gets taken in by Ms. Blair’s character, who proceeds to become his love interest. In one pivotal scene, Mr. Benedict’s character takes Ms. Blair and her son to a local fair. According to director Max Kleven’s DVD commentary, the production company had to pay to bring in a carnival for the shoot. Since we can safely assume that this was a low budget affair, they probably needed to make it appear like this was a massive county fair, but could only afford to rent enough rides and concession stands to fill a small area. Enter the magnificent “Rodeo Arena”, which appears to have been used solely to make the “Ruckus Fair” look like a bigger enterprise than it actually was. If you look closely enough while watching “Ruckus,” you will notice rows of bleachers surrounding this “fair”.

While I previously stated that it seems nobody here in Woodland remembers this film, some wonderful Internet visitors sent me information about getting the opportunity to play extras in the film, so it seems that not everyone forgot about the movie. As it turns out, while so much has changed since the movie was first filmed back in 1980, the Yolo County Fair and its “Rodeo Arena” are two places that have seen very little change. (Maybe they moved the Scrambler over a few spots, but otherwise, things remain much the same as before.) Since Mr. Kleven has stated that he came up with the basic storyline for “Ruckus” after visiting the Woodland area as part of the crew on another film, (Jiminy Crickets, we can only guess what that film might have been…. perhaps Danny Thomas Productions’ “Bloodsport”? ) it is only reasonable to assume that any real “Ruckus” fanatic would want to witness firsthand the sight of the trainwre- er, “film”.

So, anyone with a desire to witness “Ruckus” filming locations in all their glory would do well to head over to the Yolo County Fair and see something in the glorious “Rodeo Arena”. Perhaps you too will be inspired to write a movie about a backwoods town eager to run a poor Vietnam veteran out of town because he dared to ask for a raw hamburger.

Ruckus Revisited

In a distant installment, I extolled the virtues of a movie filmed in and around my hometown of Woodland, California. Well, not actually, but I did remember mentioning that I wanted to obtain a copy of the DVD version of the movie so that I could hear the audio commentary and find out a few answers- Why the hand sweep movement? Why so few women in the town? What did Linda Blair think about Woodland? And most importantly- WHY?????

First off, this was a chance to view the movie yet another time in a situation in which I could concentrate on its brilliance without trying to find the Woodland area shooting locations. This was also another chance to see if I was overly harsh about the film and whether I had gotten anything wrong. There were a few things that I had missed; Dirk Benedict’s character does introduce the sweeping hand movement earlier in the film than I had previously remembered; I might have been taking a nap when he initially gives this signal to Linda Blair’s character who is hiding him from the Pickup Truck posse. And there were a few more women in the movie than I had remembered; during the Burger Window scene, a few women can be seen milling around in the background. These women who I missed previously bring the total population of women in the town to something like 12 or so. My apologies.

So, what mysteries are solved in the DVD commentary? Well, the trio of Director/Writer Max Kleven, Actress Linda Blair and Actor Dirk Benedict do not apologize for the film as might be expected. In fact, they seem quite satisfied with their little film and hold out hope that this DVD release could spawn interest in an all-important Ruckus sequel. Really. They feel that if the movie had been given a chance initially it would have been bigger. I will admit that the film did not get an adequate release, but I find it hard to believe that this would have made a difference in its success. Although, I could be wrong. After all, wasn’t “The Dukes of Hazzard” a huge success at this time?I think that the biggest disappointment for me was the lack of any juicy Woodland stories. Sure, Linda Blair does mention Woodland at the beginning of the movie. There’s also the Knight’s Landing reference midway through, but for the most part they do not reveal anything of interest. Well, Mr. Kleven does say that he wrote the movie around the locations that he found and that seems correct. When I look around here, I too would probably be inspired to write something about overzealous yokels. Or maybe not.

So, while I do not regret getting the Ruckus DVD, it would have been great to hear something about Woodland. (It could have brought some insight into why nobody here at the time remembers the movie.) Maybe everyone just took a nap that month. The mystery continues!

"Raising A Ruckus!"

It must have been an exciting day when a Hollywood cast and crew whisked themselves into the small towns of Woodland and Knights Landing to film a movie that many people would later forget; the master work known as “Ruckus” (or “Big Ruckus in a Small Town”, as some cinema buffs might refer to it.)

This early eighties classic featured such fine actors as Richard Farnsworth, Linda Blair and Dirk Benedict who were all wondering, no doubt, what wrong career turn they had made to end up in backwoods California, making a film that would no doubt be seen by tens of people.

What, might you ask, is “Ruckus” about? It seems that a smelly drifter (Dirk Benedict) rolls into town, angering the locals with his, um- well, other than eating an unspectacular (and raw) burger, there isn’t much that he does to legitimately rile the townsfolk up. (Perhaps there isn’t much to do around those parts.) Despite being roughed up by the local men of the town, he befriends a Vietnam War widow (Linda Blair) who takes him on wild dirt bike expeditions through the countryside.

What does Richard Farnsworth have to do with all of this? He’s the ineffectual lawman who wants to capture the smelly drifter who is guilty of being smelly and drifting. (I guess those are major problems in their area of the country.) The movie mainly consists of chase scenes in which the drifter gets away from the pickup truck posse, dirt bike races and a “relationship” between the Linda Blair and Dirk Benedict characters. What type of “relationship”? Let’s just say that other than dirt biking and fair-going, the only personal moment they share is when they introduce an inside hand sweep movement five minutes before the movie ends. What does the hand sweep movement mean? What sort of relationship do they end up having? Sorry, folks. The movie leaves those questions unanswered. (Perhaps they were waiting for “Ruckus, Part II”.)

There are other questions that go unanswered; why are only three women living in the town? Yes, that’s right- only three women are shown living and working in those parts. In addition to Linda Blair’s character who does nothing but shop, race dirt bikes and befriend smelly drifters, there are only two other women- a feisty bartender and a plain woman who serves up the aforementioned unspectacular hamburgers out of a burger window. (She also serves Royal Crown cola. That’s right, not just any cola, but Royal Crown Cola.) Of these women, only Linda Blair and the feisty bartender get any lines at all. (Okay, maybe the burger woman does get to ask a customer what he wants to eat, but I don’t remember her saying anything important.

Now about the shooting locations; no, the film was not shot in the Southern part of the U.S., but in the confines of California. Not the glitzy parts, mind you, but in the countryside surrounding the small town of Woodland which is itself located in the countryside surrounding Sacramento. The strangest thing about the Ruckus/Woodland connection is that nobody who was around then seems to remember the filming. Sure, most people remember that Danny Thomas Productions filmed a TV movie at the high school stadium in the 1970s called “Bloodsport”, (no, not the one with Jean Claude Van Damme) but nobody remembers “Ruckus”. In fact, I probably wouldn’t have known about “Ruckus” at all were it not for an eagle-eyed cousin who did a search on the Internet Movie Database. Why has this town forgotten “Ruckus”? The evidence of it is right there on the screen- Woodland’s State Theater flashes by in a night scene, the bridge outside of Knights Landing, the massive grain processing buildings, the County Fair Rodeo being used as the entire Fair among other familiar sights. So why is it the film that a town forgot? Perhaps the movie was made with the same sort of secrecy that is utilized by Steven Spielberg. Perhaps everyone in town was on vacation at the time. Perhaps it’s the sort of thing people want to forget. I have to admit, I was around these parts at the time and I certainly don’t remember it either.

“Ruckus” is now available on both VHS and DVD. I have seen the VHS version, but I have yet to see the DVD. It seems, according to the video distributor, that the DVD features audio commentary from Linda Blair, Dirk Benedict and the film’s director. You can see why I am quite interested in the DVD. What do they have to say? I can only imagine the comments they have about Woodland, the script, the rigors of filming, the dirt biking scenes. Maybe they answer many of my questions. Or maybe they just apologize to everyone watching. You see, despite the glowing things I’ve said about the film up to this point, “Ruckus” isn’t all that great. The conflicts don’t make any sense. The movie has no real ending. (Perhaps they ran out of cash?) In fact, I am quite surprised that the film never received the MST3K treatment. But still, despite all of these things, it is a fun movie to watch. Watching the yokel pickup truck posse get constantly outsmarted (I use that term loosely) by the smelly drifter is worth the price of admission alone.

Maybe I’ll never find out the answers to my questions, but that’s quite fine with me. My imagined answers are probably a lot more interesting than the actual truth.