Movie Cliches: You Give Me Fever

"You Give Me Fever."

Do you have a woman in your script who has (ahem) loose morals? Want to know the quickest way to let your audience know that she is supposed to be the town tramp? Other than dressing her like a teenage talk show guest, (Next on The Maury Povich Show: "Maury, help me with my wild teen!") there's another surefire way to drill this fact into your audience's head- get her in a red dress and have her sing or dance to the song "Fever".

I'm sure you've seen this on too many movies and TV shows to count. (Married... With Children had Kelly Bundy do this in its third season, but I think we already knew by then that Al's Little Girl was "Open for Business".) Either we see the spectacle happen early on in the film or show to establish that this woman is a "friendly girl" or else it is used to symbolize a change in a bookish woman's demeanor. After all, how many times have we seen straight-laced schoolmarms or librarians take off their glasses and rip off their conservative clothing to reveal a tight-fitting red dress, all done to the tune of "Fever"?

Many people have commented on how a quick way to make money in the music industry is to write a Christmas song that takes off, then sit back and watch the money roll in. I would imagine that an even better way to rake in the cash would be to write a new song that could be used by Hollywood as a replacement to "Fever." Until then, I would imagine that the people who own the rights to that song are happy that Hollywood movies and television shows are still full of sex crazed women- and written by lazy writers.

Movie Cliches: The Hip-Hop Retirement Home

“Hip-Hop Retirement Home”

You’ve seen this shortcut many times. A grandmotherly woman (or grandfatherly man) is totally hip with what the kids find so popular these days. And they express their hipness for cheap laughs. How many times have you seen a movie grandma use horrendous profanity or discuss her womanly needs in grotesque TMI fashion?

Another example of the “Hip-Hop Retirement Home” shortcut is to pick any older authority figure (A judge, priest, university chancellor, etc.) and have everyone afraid of doing something inappropriate in front of him or her. Everyone goes out of his or her way to make sure that nothing goes wrong when this person arrives. (typically for an inspection or contest) When the authority figure does arrive, everyone is aghast when things go completely wrong. Of course, everyone assumes that they’ve flunked the inspection/lost the competition. There’s always a tense moment until . . . it turns out that the elderly authority figure is down with the youngsters! He (or she) just wants to party down, tap the keg and smoke out. She (or he) then announces that the youngsters have won the contest or passed the inspection. Of course, this shortcut wouldn’t be complete without seeing the authority figure partying down with the winners!

So what else besides the “Foul-Mouthed Granny” or “Hip-Hop Authority Figure” fits into our “Hip-Hop Retirement Home” shortcut? Why the “Hip-Hop Retirement Home” itself! Who hasn’t seen a situation in which a youngster is forced into volunteering at a retirement home, only everyone there is so drugged up and pathetic that he (or she) figures they have to liven things up. In this case, she (or he) either stops giving the old folks their medicine or, by some cruel twist of fate, makes some “special brownies” that get served to the old folks for lunch. In either situation, the retirees start boogying down and getting jiggy with it. Of course, this results in our volunteer getting fired from his (or her) volunteer stint. Everything turns out all right at the end, however, when the volunteer gets asked back because the retirees love him (or her) and just want to get down!

To sum up, the “Hip-Hop Retirement Home” is typically used for the cheap laughs it usually gets. Interestingly, the same people who laugh at this Hollywood Shortcut would probably be more than just a little freaked (and a trifle bit disgusted) if their real Grandma and Grandpa acted in this manner. But as long as they do laugh, we’ll still get foul talking grannies and boogy down grandpas.

 

Movie Cliches: All Good Hippies Went To Berkeley

“All Good Hippies went to Berkeley”

This Hollywood shortcut is near and dear to my heart, since I went to Berkeley and all. You see, other than having someone wear tie dyed articles of clothing, the best way to let an audience know that someone is a free spirit or a hippy is to let everyone know that they attended, taught at or just lived in Berkeley.

This shortcut was used in the comedy classic Grumpy Old Men; as you might remember if you’ve seen the movie, we are told that Ann-Margret’s character has retired from a professorship at Berkeley. This doesn’t surprise her neighbors, since she is portrayed as a free spirit who we see doing a lot of things that could be described as being kooky. While the things that she does (hot tubbing, bizarre artwork, etc.) show us how strange she is, the fact that she once worked at Berkeley seals the deal. (Although the writers could have been lazier and simply made mention of her ties to Berkeley without providing any examples….)

This shortcut was used heavily in the 1980’s when Hollywood was enamored with stories about “hippies” turning into “yuppies”. Typically, the revelation of someone having gone to Berkeley would be matched with a poorly doctored picture of the actor wearing a tie dyed shirt and sporting an Afro. (Yes, even if the person in question wasn’t African American.) Sometimes they would be pictured with a known activist like Joan Baez, Jane Fonda or Tom Hayden.

So, even though the Berkeley campus is decades removed from any sort of activism, the legend lives on in Hollywood- because all good hippies still go to Berkeley.

Movie Cliches: The Leno Effect

It is well known in Hollywood that whenever a screenwriter wants to take a shortcut to quickly illustrate a character’s importance or how embarrassing a situation is, they simply insert a clip of a Jay Leno monologue in which the character or event is mentioned. This typically occurs right after another character tries to reassure the embarrassed person that everything is okay. For example:

TOM: Honey, nobody noticed that your top fell off, trust me. Now let’s watch TV.

(Tom flips to a news program.)

NEWS ANCHOR: On the lighter side of the news tonight, Lindsay Davenport, heiress to the Davenport Potash fortune exposed a little more than she bargained for when-

(Tom flips to another channel.)

JAY LENO: Did you hear about this? Apparently socialite Lindsay Davenport had her top fall off. It went down faster than Monica Lewinsky.

(Tom flips to a third channel.)

HISPANIC ANCHOR: Este es un clip de “Lindsay Davenport”-

(Tom quickly shuts off TV.)

Of course, the audience is meant to find this funny and accept it as proof that the character is a Very Important and Famous Person. A lazy shortcut, of course, that still crops up in American films.

Things have obviously changed, however. Now that Jay Leno has been exposed as a backstabbing douchebag whose credibility in Hollywood is at an all time low, will they still use him as the go-to guy for these type of scenes? I suppose only time will tell whether Jay retains these roles or they get passed on to someone else. Ideally, Hollywood should probably think about retiring this creaky cliche, just as Jay Leno should have retired his creaky act.

Movie Cliches: The Sainted Witness

So- you’ve got a protagonist who is mostly a good person, yet currently finds himself in a regrettable situation that makes him appear to be completely depraved. How does the filmmaker make sure that the audience knows how messed up this situation is? By letting The Sainted Witness view the proceedings, of course!

The Sainted Witness is typically a respectable person who we would imagine has never seen such depravity in his or her life. While The Sainted Witness is often a nun (dressed in full nun regalia), he or she can also be a priest, minister or an innocent looking elderly person. The protagonist often tries to explain things, but almost always makes things worse. If he’s naked, his efforts to reassure The Sainted Witnesswill often result in him exposing more of his privates or (even worse) him becoming entangled with her.

Other possible misunderstandings-

* He injects himself with insulin, but The Sainted Witness assumes it’s illegal drugs.

* He’s entangled with someone else by accident but it appears that they are engaging in sexual intercourse. (Bonus points if he’s getting married and the person he’s entangled with is not his fiance.)

* It appears that he is trying to destroy or sully a religious article.

* He just suffered a painful injury and screamed the filthiest profanity he could think of as loudly as possible. (Bonus points if it was in a church.)

While The Sainted Witness might actually confront the protagonist with righteous indignation, oftentimes they say nothing; their mere presence at the scene of the embarrassment is enough to get a laugh out of the audience.