Blind Kiyomi NewsBrief

Kim Cattrall, seen here supporting her 'Sex & the City' co-star Sarah Jessica Parker's newest film at its premiere, is heartbroken at the death of her Mannequin co-star Meshach Taylor.

MST3K Quote Weekends

"TGI DIE-Day!"

-Mike Nelson from the MST3K riffing of Outlaw of Gor

MST3K Quote Weekends

"Gee, she's sleeping her way to the bottom!"

-Tom Servo, from the MST3K riffing of Outlaw of Gor

Bad Movie Quote

"You already know enough about me. Any more and you're going to get a headache."

-Kira from Xanadu

Mega Mis-Fires: Myra Breckinridge

"Um, a geriatric woman spouting smutty one liners? A fey, prissy leading man? An unintelligible script? Even Raquel Welch's tits can't save this disaster. At least it's a 'today' picture."

Rest in Peace, Eli Wallach

"What is it, my smell or something? Hey, fish-ass! You forgot your jukebox!"

Mega Mis-Fires: Alien From L.A.

"Let's cast a smoking hot model in our adventure film, making sure to dress her as dowdily as possible until the very end when she finally shows some skin."

Mega Mis-Fires: Cleopatra

"Let's make a talky five hour plus costume drama with a skittish actress who is prone to getting 'sick' and wasting studio resources while she 'recuperates'. What could go wrong?"

MST3K Quote Weekends

"He's wearing a denim housedress!"

-From the MST3K riffing of Devil Doll

MST3K Quote Weekends

"You delightful boozed up old broad!"

-Mike Nelson from the MST3K riffing of Devil Doll

Bad Movie Quotes

"You walk into a place like that & girls just want you. You know, you got that kind of face. Kind of mean looking, but with character. And the way you walk, you can only do that with a small body. Did you ever hear of a big sports car?"

-Lyle Rogers in Ishtar

Bad Movie Quotes

"Well, I'll be damned. It's the gentleman guppy. You know, he's like a turd that won't flush."

-Guppy from Waterworld

The Waterworld Stunt Show

Many great films have never had attractions or shows made after them. Yet Waterworld has a show based on it at Universal Studios Hollywood.

Bad Movie Quotes

"There're three possibilities. The first and most likely is that it died in the crash. The second and less likely is that it is injured very badly and still contained. The third and least likely is that it is out. We will proceed, however, in anticipation of the worst-case scenario. Every movement will be under protocol Escape and Evade. If he's out there... I will see him long before he gets anywhere near you. Do you understand?"

-Cypher Raige from After Earth

Stupid Celebrity Quotes

"I'm not sure about the parties. But whatever they have in Korea, that’s bad."

-Justin Bieber

MST3K Quote Weekends

"He does look like an easy target for thugs. Hell, I'd like to beat him up." 

-Crow from the MST3K riffing of The Girl in Lover's Lane

MST3K Quote Weekends

"Meanwhile, in another movie? Patience, gentle viewer, it'll all make sense soon.... NOT!" 

-Crow in the MST3K riffing of Pod People

Bad Movie Quote

"I always wanted to be a milkshake."

-Lincoln Hawk, Over The Top

Mega Mis-Fires: Battlefield Earth

Let's take a lousy book written by a shady nutcase and make it into a movie starring a past his prime actor who is doing this only as a vanity project!"

Random Quote

Ed Wood: What, if you put it in a movie, will make it a big hit?

George Weiss: Tits?

-From the movie Ed Wood

Stupid Celebrity Quotes

"I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa." 

-Britney Spears

Gritty Movie Versions of Children's Books Nobody Wants a To See

Where the Unemployment Checks End

It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Manson! 

Run-over Ralph 

Oh the Johns You’ll Blow! 

Charlie and the Great Glass Coffin 

Ramona and Diabeetus 

Encyclopedia Brown & the Case of the Murdered Prostitute

Judy Moody & the Bummer Summer

MST3K Quote Weekends

Joel: Oh, yeah. Don't forget your little satchel.

Crow: That purse will be the death of him!

-From the MST3K riffing of Eegah

MST3K Quote Weekends

"Nobody will be admitted during the breathtaking car-parking sequence!"

-Crow T. Robot

Hilarious Quotes About Bad Movies

"Some of the acting is better than the film deserves. Make that all of the acting. Actually, the film stock itself is better than the film deserves. You know when sometimes a film catches fire inside a projector? If it happened with this one, I suspect the audience might cheer."

-Roger Ebert, discussing Revolver

Bad Movie Quote

"Dead? No, madam. Not dead the way you know it. He is with us always. Not dead the way you know it. He is with us always."

-Torgo from Manos: the Hands of Fate

Blind Kiyomi No Name Hall of Fame: Ya Dumb Broad

Credited only under the line he yells out the window, Rick Seaman nonetheless makes a big impression. In Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! Hero Frank Drebin commandeers a vehicle so that he can chase after a suspect. Unfortunately for him, he has stumbled into a car driven by a teen driving student.

Under the patient guidance of her driving instructor, the young lady drives the wrong way down a one way street, coming upon a truck driver played by Mr. Seaman who shouts the classic line "Ya dumb broad!" (Which is how he's credited in the film.)

Years later, Mr. Seaman's classic line is still recited by fans of the movie and remains one of the funniest parts of a very funny film. For that, we induct him into our No Name Hall of Fame.

Mega Mis-Fires: Good Luck Chuck

"Let's flush more of the studio's money down the toilet! Get us Dane Cook!"

Mega Mis-Fires: Jack and Jill

"Adam Sandler's man-boy schtick is wearing thin, so let's make him play two annoying characters instead of just one!"

MST3K Quote Weekends

"Calgon, take me to my grave!"

-Cinematic Titanic